Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
