i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
zippers are such a cool invention
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
