i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
