I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
