He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
