dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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