I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
