swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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