I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
