check it out our google latitudes are spooning
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
