I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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