What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
