How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
