There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
