Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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