Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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