I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
