Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
