well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
