I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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