Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
pop tarts are not kleenex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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