Only a mothe r could love this liver
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
