Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
