Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
