Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
