just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
