I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
