wanna go halves on a baby?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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