you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
