my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize