Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
