That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
