Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my liver is dry heaving
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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