She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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