was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize