omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Welp...herpes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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