wakey wakey hands off snakey
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
