Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize