the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize