God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
