Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
