I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
