Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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