My sheets look like a crime scene.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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