you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
