Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
