Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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