Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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