Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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