just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
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Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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