Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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