I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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