I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
