If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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