I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
