Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
