I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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