We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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