Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
