So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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