there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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