You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
