I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
