I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
