my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
