if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
