I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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